As a result, that silence and shame pass from one generation to the next. It's completely swept under the rug, which means men like Alex suffer in silence, with no role models discussing such issues. You don't hear men talking about how they feel about their bodies often in the media. You grow up absorbing stereotypes of what men should or shouldn't be. If I've brought it up myself, the response has been that there's no such thing as "normal." The silence continues for generations Granted, I don't have what you might call a severe case, but it really doesn't matter to most partners. Not a single woman I've been with has had an issue that she's voiced to me. I also had a girlfriend who was happy with our relationship, which boosted my confidence. The author, right, and his brother when they were younger.įor me, managing it was a simple case of using stretching techniques - usually when in the shower - that I'd found online.īy the age of 18, I was more at ease with my condition, even though my foreskin wasn't completely loose. That's where I first saw the term "phimosis." I didn't really want to go to a doctor, so I looked for answers online. I remember having a lot of angst and stress about the condition. When erect, I could only retract my foreskin by about 20%. My penis wasn't the way boys at school talked about theirs, and it didn't look like the ones in porn videos. I was 14 or 15 when I first realized my foreskin was tighter than it should be. It also revealed how reserved and quiet he could be. He was so uninterested in recognition, he didn't even tell them when they asked. One shared that they'd asked him what he did on a day off, and he responded: "Nothing much." It turned out he had traveled two hours to volunteer for a homeless charity in Vancouver that day. I now live and work in New Zealand, and Alex was living in Canada before he died.Īfter his death, we heard stories from his Canadian friends about how humble he was. We're British, and we both discovered a zest for travel. My brother was humble and kindĪlex was intelligent, kind, and reserved. Long after his death, I came to realize that it's not my fault, but I wish we'd had those conversations. I felt tremendous guilt when I discovered Alex had the same condition - I might have been able to help him by sharing what I'd learned about resolving my own phimosis. I deeply regret never talking to Alex about my phimosis, because the stretching techniques I used were successful and meant I never had to consider a circumcision. The doctor apparently never talked to him about nonsurgical alternatives to circumcision, because there are other ways of managing phimosis, including using steroid cream and stretching techniques. He also included a public statement about his condition and experience and told us he wanted his story shared.Īlex said in his email that at the time, a urologist had rushed him down the surgical path without fully preparing him for the risks or potentially agonizing side effects. I also learned he'd had a circumcision two years earlier, which left him in constant agony. In an email he sent to my mom and me just before his death, he revealed that he had struggled with phimosis - a foreskin that's too tight to fully pull back over the head of the penis. In 2017, my older brother Alex died by suicide at the age of 23. It has been edited for length and clarity. This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Tom Hardy. Account icon An icon in the shape of a person's head and shoulders.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Details
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |